dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
