I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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