Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
