Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
