I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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