I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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