oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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