My friends, they love my intelligence
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
