She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
