break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
