You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
