you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
