oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize