thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
