I'm jealous of your bromance
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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