I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
