I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
