I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
