there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
