It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize