you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
