Michael Bay diarrhea
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
