I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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