I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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