Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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