I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
