Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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