Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
