So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
