Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
