You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
