Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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