i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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