I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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