thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
