Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
