my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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