Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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