history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
