what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish my penis had a tongue
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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