We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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