what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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