Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
