I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You're like the curious george of whores
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
