This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
