Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
