she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
