when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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