how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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