Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
