I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As shirtless as possible
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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