It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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