Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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