The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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