She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
