literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
