I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
