i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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