i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think I sprained my soul last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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