also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
