Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize