so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
