I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
