I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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