we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
