i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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