wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
