I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
