He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
