he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We are two peas in an std pod
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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