Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
