some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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