youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think i have two assholes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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