I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize