you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
