So gin and wine won't be happening again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
