He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
