i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
