i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
