dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
